From Uncle Chris W.
A duty I accepted, or acquired by default without asking, has been the attempted shepherding of Banks through years of his battle with addictions. Being Uncle Chris has been a true learning experience about life but more importantly about addiction and what it takes to overcome it. Overcoming addiction is hard and many fail. From my experiences with Banks I can truly say that in order to overcome addiction a person must interact with and be surrounded by people that are truly and deeply committed to a life of sobriety.
My attempt at helping Banks has mostly been from afar as he has not lived in North Carolina, his home state, for some time. My recollections of dealing with Banks’ escapades on his rollercoaster ride through periods of drunkenness and drugs, being in and out of sobriety, and going to various and sundry rehabilitation facilities all have to do with phone calls.
Phone calls from his friends trying to help him recover. Phone calls from Banks promising he had changed, for the third time, and was sure he was now sober. Phone calls with his probation officer. Phone calls with his attorneys about court dates. A phone call from Banks on a Sunday afternoon from a pay phone in downtown Houston. He had spent several nights on that street and had to borrow a quarter to call me. While I was talking with Banks I was talking with his probation officer on another phone at the same time. I had one phone in my right ear and one in the left. Things were not going well for Banks. And for the fourth time, or fifth or sixth because I had lost count, Banks promised he would change and get sober if only I would help him. I determined the only thing I could do to help him was to allow him to go to jail to get well. At my urging Banks’ family agreed to let the penal system try and fix him. We agreed that it would be for as many years as it may take. We had given up.
Then THE phone call.
Bay Area Recovery Center was touted as being a place where people can really and truly attain sobriety. I of course had heard this before from other rehabilitation centers. I was not persuaded. How can a place be different if Banks did not commit to getting sober?
THE phone call was from Sunny at Bay Area. Sunny called me to ask that I agree to let Bay Area have one last try with Banks. I said no. Sunny would not give up and tried to convince me that Bay Area was different. I again said no. Finally, perhaps to just get the phone call finished, I said yes. I also told Sunny I very much doubted they would succeed with Banks but if they did I would give her a gold star to wear on her forehead.
Fast forward over four years to October when I had the pleasure of going to Banks’ wedding in Texas. It was a wonderful and glorious day and meant so much to our family. For me it was something even bigger. I got to meet in person and spend the weekend with the people of Bay Area Recovery. Not just Joe and Chuck that make Bay Area what it is but the circle of friends and supporters of Banks. The people who have been through Bay Area and have been touched by Bay Area, like John. The people that have attained sobriety and are working together to maintain their sobriety. Their commitment to themselves and each other is awe inspiring. They have a faith in each other. They truly support each other in a way that can not be explained. I could just feel the sincerity each person had about staying sober. In my heart I know this is all a result of Bay Area Recovery Center, not the buildings or the place, but the mind set of the people that work there and who carry out the mission of Bay Area.
Of course, my biggest pleasure was seeing…….. that gold star on Sunny’s forehead.